i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
