Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
