Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
