im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
