tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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