can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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