youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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