I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
