i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He passed out mid-signature
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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