he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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