I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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