Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
