took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
