I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
