Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
