first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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