he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
