he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
smell my finger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
