I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
