OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
