I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
