Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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