I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
