I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
