Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
