So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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