Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
