you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
