dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize