meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
