She went from zero to smokin in five shots
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
