Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?

Fav 24 5084 1619
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(949): View more from California

im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

Fav 28 5094 1213
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(239): View more from Florida

Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.

(1+44): View more from

I regret nothing

Fav 3 3157 1685
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(641): View more from Iowa

What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.

Fav 5 1398 1127
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana

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(240): View more from Maryland

million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.

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