if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Drake has all the answers
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
