You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
