I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
