drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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