I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
