I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
