We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Can I color on your dick again?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
