We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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