11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
