This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
