he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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