Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
