Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
