No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
