I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
