Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
