I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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