You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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