So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
