Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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