Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
