I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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