why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
