i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
