Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
