i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
