and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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