So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
