I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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