forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
