I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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