I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
