I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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