That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
