She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
